At the end of the day, all you got is yourself

As time goes on and goes through various twists and turns of life, one thing that I think is important and needs to be used as a principle of life is to be someone who is independent and does not depend on other people for my own happiness. Having the closest one is beautiful and can be the best place to share everything with, but it turns out that happiness must still be the responsibility of each.

Since my childhood, I forced to think about achieving what I want with my own self. I feel like I’ve grown into someone who doesn’t feel I need others and I have to care for myself - even though I know one day I need it.

Growing up as an avoidant person, I’m used to invalidate and denial of what I’m feeling, because I think my closest one in the past are emotionally unavailable or unresponsive for much of the time, which teaches me not to rely on affection from them. I also have a hard time with that type of intimacy as I grow older because I think I can’t afford them and always want to have spaces for myself.

I believe that we leave parts of ourselves in all the places and people we loved only to realize one day that there isn’t much left for ourselves. Loving someone with your soul means giving them the right to destroy you completely but trusting that they won’t. Expecting from another to understand you is useless and only give you a disappointments. Expectations itself are the root cause of all suffering.

Do not drown in the expectations people keep from you. At the end, all you got is yourself.